Acceptance changes everything

I have ADHD.

There I said it!

And while it might've been easy for you to read those three words, made up of only nine letters, it's been a eight year ordeal for me. 

An internal struggle to fully come to terms with it and the effects it's had on my life.

The thing with ADHD is, it doesn’t just start when you’re diagnosed - it’s something you’ve had since birth.

Being this way, and thinking the way I do, is part of my makeup – it’s all I’ve ever known.

And it took an external factor for it to be discovered: someone very special (and close to me) to notice there was something unique going on. 

THE DIAGNOSIS

It was my wife Sara who said I should go see someone!

It was solely her concern that lead to me and my family finding out. Would I have gone without her prompting? Probably not. The real journey began though when I was properly diagnosed.

And not just once but four times.

Just to be sure. 

I was in denial from the get go - insisting I must've rushed the test and convincing myself the specialists were too gung ho in diagnosing me, simply to slap a label me and pen some more scripts. 

At the time, the consultations, appointments and assessments were a world away from where I wanted to be .. but I knew deep down, this was worth my energy.

I needed to see the process through regardless of how much I hated it.

What was interesting, the first specialist I saw was fully taken aback by me!

He said I was one of the highest functioning person with ADHD he’d ever come across: my mechanisms and self developed systems were, apparently, truly impressive.

My response was to remind him (again!) I was 35 years old with a wife and three beautiful children as well as a successful business. (now four children)

Of course, this was part of my denial.

I hadn’t fully accepted I had ADHD and it was going to be a long time before I even got close to that.

Beyond accepting it itself, there was a long period between diagnosis and starting treatment. 

Medication is the most common way of treating ADHD but for me, there's no such thing as a magic pill.

After sitting on my diagnosis for a while, I tried a couple of different options and, through trial and error, was able to achieve great clarity and be more present.

This is when it hit me.

I concluded that if the medication was having such a positive effect on me then I knew the diagnosis was right.

Being told you have ADHD doesn’t bring immediate relief.

For me, becoming aware of it was more like someone following me around all day and constantly tapping me on the shoulder.

In short, it was terrible.

And it felt like my whole life was being explained to me (often by people who didn’t even know me) as a disorder.

I much prefer the term 'Brain Functioning Difference' than ADHD because, when I consider how I do things and the success I'm having with it, it’s hard to look at the condition as limiting.

In fact, I think it might even be the cause of my success.

ITS ADVANTAGES

My advice would be to capitalise on your unique abilities.

Over the course of my life, without even realising it, I’ve harnessed these traits and used them to my advantage. A big component of ADHD is what experts call hyper behaviour and for me, it's what's helped me achieve some really incredible things. 

Once I've got an idea, I won’t let go of it until it’s done.

I become nothing short of relentless.

And many times after I've had a win (or even a few of them), people have come up to me and jokingly asked: "mate, when are you going slow down?" 

For instance, the average person might want to do a marathon but struggles with the discipline to train for it.

Not me.

Once I've set my sights on a goal, I simply have no choice but to achieve it.

It's probably a blessing AND a curse at the same time.

In business, it means I can be super focussed on important projects like lobbying and pushing large projects over the line.

But ADHD never sleeps. Finding peace and inner satisfaction has been — and continues to be — incredibly hard. 

THE PATH TO ACCEPTANCE

Imagine someone's brain without ADHD as a board meeting - where one person is presenting to a room of only one — you!

Now consider that same meeting but this time, there's 15 people trying to give a presentation — you might catch snippets here and there but when it's all over, you leave very confused .. and with a pounding headache!

This, for me, is what living with ADHD is like - 15 people all speaking over each other at once.

The path to acceptance has been hard - I won’t sugar coat it.

The harshest and most humbling part of it all was realising my condition was ultimately robbing the people closest to me of my attention .. and connection.

That’s a hard pill to swallow. 

In business, there have certainly been times when ADHD has made me inattentive, causing me come off as rude or disinterested.

And for this to affect the people who I work with (and have the utmost respect for) was a kick in the guts.

It made me realise — I just had to accept it as a part of who I am. 

TAKING CONTROL ( MY WAY )

A non-negotiable of living a successful life with ADHD is having structure.

These days, waking up with a set routine means my brain doesn’t even get the chance to send me in a million directions and believe me, in the past, it would. 

Physical activity is the other way I have "self-medicated" without even knowing it.

The type of sports that require you to give everything, like triathlons and cage fighting, has kept me level headed.

Immersed and fully dedicated to a cause and result.

Probably a good idea I never took up golf, on reflection.

When it comes to my family, I simply want to give them the best possible version of myself. Being aware of my triggers and when I may become distracted is vital now.

It allows me to reign it in, catch it and fix it. 

In the past, my approach to parenting was verging on robotic.

There’s no denying, I was there for my children - I'm always there for them - but often, I wasn't entirely in the moment.

For a while, I lost the human side of me when I should've been giving my kids what they truly needed and deserved: my love and attention. 

My path to acceptance hasn't been smooth sailing.

For others facing a diagnosis for the first time though, I’m hopeful this world will be more understanding.

And more importantly, people living with ADHD, can find acceptance within themselves.

While it's the hardest, it's the first step in dealing with the condition.

Although it took me and my family some time to accept my diagnosis, life for all of us has become so much clearer. 

We — and now you — know of my condition.

And while it's been a hard road, acceptance really does change everything.